The Power Of Forgiving Yourself - Visitor's Story

by Raven WinterHawk
(Bristol, Tennessee, USA)

My Story:
When I was growing up with type I diabetes I felt a sense of guilt as if somehow it was my fault. I reflected back on everything in my life that I had done wrong and immediately saw it as the reason I was ill. As an adult I also have made some choices in life which proved to be wrong and again I laid so much deep pain onto my own shoulders due to the guilt. In times such as this we tend to hold ourselves to harsher judgment then we do others. Suddenly those little things we did that seemed so small before are now these glooming bright blemishes on our lives and we see them as unforgivable. These emotions can quickly snowball into a mess of trouble as they did for me. Suddenly I viewed everything and everyone I touched as if they were my victims. I reached a point where I had little joy left deep inside of myself because all I could understand through the fog was that I was ruining all the hopes and dreams of those I loved, even though that was not true.

I felt as if I had single-handedly ruined the lives of my siblings, husband and children solely because I was ill or because of the wrong choices I had made in my life. Similar feelings of guilt can be experienced by someone who has a family member pass away. All we can think of is "What if I had done...?", "If only I had been there..." or "I wish I had told them...." These are only a way for us to wrongly lay the guilt upon ourselves for things we had no control over.

How Long Does It Take:
Some people linger at the stage of blaming themselves for a brief time and some much longer. There are no rules regarding how long it takes to cope with emotions as strong as these. However, I had to realize that we must face these feelings of guilt to put them to rest. We can't ignore it hoping it will go away. One of my favorite sayings is "the only way to get past something is through it". We must travel through it to get to the other side. We can't side-step it or jump over it. Understanding this will lead us to understand that The Creator will be there to hold our hand and guide us every step of the way.

Have You Made The Choice?
Before you read further take a moment to turn your life over to The Creator if you haven't done so already and ask Him to take control and guide you in the way you should go. Even if you have done this in your life, this step is something that can be repeated, there is always room to grow and for understanding.

On The Road:
You can begin this road to forgiveness by taking a look at the situation at hand. What are the facts concerning it? Was it something you had control over? Did you do what you thought was right? Don't focus on the "what ifs" and "if onlys" because they don't exist for us.

Forgiving Is Not Something That We've Never Done Before
Have you ever asked for forgiveness from The Creator, for the past deeds you are blaming yourself for. Have you ever had to forgive a child of a mistake or for breaking something? Do you remember the gentleness you felt toward your child or perhaps a parent or sibling? What about the forgiveness you have held in your heart for those who have wronged you?

It's funny that we can readily forgive those around us, yet we can not seem to find compassion in our hearts for ourselves.

Steps To Forgiveness Of Self:
Try feeling some compassion for yourself. Accept that The Creator has such compassion for you and if you can find a way to feel that for yourself you'll be well on the road to dealing with this. Realization will allow you to see clearly the situation at hand and to see the potential blessing that has been bestowed on you. That's right blessing. Since all that we do is to be done in a way that glorifies The Creator, this too is a blessing. This kindness and generosity to yourself will be the groundbreaking event which will lead to moving forward.

Forgiveness Is Something To Be Sought After
We must search ourselves in-depth for the goodness we hold through the Spirit in our hearts so we can see the whole purpose of our lives (to glorify The Creator). We must know that even though we make mistakes, we have an illness, or we get off base The Creator is there with his open arms to forgive us and instead of punishing ourselves in our thoughts and actions we should give it to The Creator and turn around and commit ourselves to Him. We have an obligation to honor that goodness, the goodness The Creator has bestowed upon us. The good qualities we have and the heart of compassion we have been given. There is good in every situation we just have to seek it out.

The Blame Game Can Keep Us from Forgiveness
When we are going through the blame game we sometimes begin to question The Creator, to question the illness, the situations, we begin the "Why me" syndrome? Sometimes we get into this mode of blaming The Creator for what is wrong in our lives as well as everything that is bad in the world.

All that The Creator has created is good. He is not the author of bad, evil, sin or all the terrible things that have taken place. We are all capable of making mistakes and none of us live a life free of doing bad things at times. By the grace of Our Creator we are forgiven.

The Important Question:
Don't you think it is time you offer forgiveness to yourself. If we say that some how our sinful acts has brought about our bad situation, or illness isn't that the same as saying we don't trust in The Creator's forgiveness?

Know This
Bad things happen in this world and I could write a whole other story on the reasons they do but I'll save that for another day. What I hope you grasp from this article is this, that The Creator uses the pain and suffering we all bear to do many good things.

People who have met great challenges have done tremendous things by the grace of Our Creator. They will testify that they have felt more blessings in their life than they could have ever imagined, even through adversity, and illness.

We are often touched by the stories from people who show what seems as such courage and strength to overcome adversity but it is The Creator's grace that helped them get through it and the glory for their achievements should be given to The Creator. He will take a bad situation and turn it into something good for His glory. We must learn to look past the bad part of our situation and see the good that can come from it. Perhaps there is a hidden purpose for your life. Whatever life brings your way run to prayer for The Creator's direction as to where this situation should lead you. Search for ways with your whole heart to glorify HIM through your life.

May you feel the blessings of Our Creator in your life today.