Three Realities Poem - Visitor's Poem

by Becca Lanter

I think this world is complete chaos
Everyone is trying to be the boss
There is no team - no dream - just people trying to scheme
To get ahead, to get head, and even to give head.
I don’t like that. Don’t need that, can’t really stop that
But still going to try
this is still our world even after we die
How you want your kids to live? In sin?
Because that’s where we are going
Only thing on TV is showing
Children who shoot, stab, cut and kill
All strung out - just chasing the thrill
Violence, rape
Hurt and hate
Corrupt politics full of contradictions
The fun of the drugs, but not the painful addiction
Bums living on the street
Starving families no money to eat
Deaths everyday from HIV
Parents scared - no more social security
Smoking grass and chasing ass
Gang participation & negative temptation
No unity just discrimination
Guns fights knifes confusion
Cries lies, life full of delusions
I want to be the intrusion
The end to this illusion
I am over watching my friends
Chase bad men
Get hurt
Play the victim
But then
Do it all over again
I just can’t comprehend
What are you thinking?
I hear, “Becca it’s so strange,
He’s really changed
Not going to cheat
Going to take me out to eat
No more jealously
I promise this time we
Are going to be, so happy"
But then crash burn
How quickly the tables turn
Fights long nights
Yelling on the phone
Crying because now you are alone
But there’s no one home -
to calm you tears
Ease you fears
A heart full of regrets from the wasted years
And I wanna feel bad, I really do
But who did this? Not me, not even them, it was you.
Allowing yourself to be used
Can’t blame a boy who is,
Just trying to have his cake and eat it too
So what you going to do?
Keep playing this game you’re not going to win
Back and forth with the same type of men
When will you be ready for the craziness to end
Happiness to set in
And a new life to begin
And I know it’s hard. I’ve been there too
But I am over being confused
Watching women get used
Abused
Raped, can’t escape
Cheated on -
Then their man’s gone.
I’ve seen a woman that’s a ten
Dated a 6 that leaves them
We’ve created an evolution
But what’s the solution
When did it become okay
For a man to take you out and not to pay?
1st date expecting to get laid - nay women please refrain
It doesn’t have to be that easy
You don’t have to be sleazy
Believe me
Chivalry is not dead -
Maybe in your head
Think this instead
Sex is not just expected
And it needs to be protected
Try with me - you're going to get rejected
Because I’d rather be respected
I’ve realized
That I, not you am the prize
There are a million other guys
That can feed my ears lies, and make my eyes cry
But ONLY if I let ya
And I’d rather forget ya.
Because I decided who stays in my life
Who treats and doesn’t treat me right
And if you can’t then - good bye
See ya
I didn’t need ya
I will wait patiently until the day
I find my match, who loves me the same
When I am respected
Not rejected - and protected
When you going to get the nerve
To have what you deserve?
One more thing - another story to be told
This is me putting my heart out there - about to be bold
So I’ve hung out with these boys for almost a year.
They are still my boys, but let me make this clear.
You know NOTHING about me.
Who I am, what I’ve done
The life I live, what I think is fun.
I think that’s sad, a year together,
And you’ve never, even asked.
Only white girl mixed in a diverse group of men
Who just take and take with absolutely no giving.
Friendship - nay something missing
They think I am so sweet, so nice.
Got a car, apartment, and a pretty good life.
Just a small town girl, who always does right.
Who’s naive and never seen the struggles of life.
Yeah right.
I did live in a small down, went to a small school
Where fishing, hunting, and farming was cool.
I’ve probably only seen 10 fights, in my life.
I didn’t have to be scared at night.
It wasn’t common for people to get shot
Gangs didn’t run the blocks.
You didn’t even really need to keep your doors locked.
It’d happened, but everyone didn’t steal.
Does all that make me less “real�?
Because that’s how you make me feel.
And I’m left thinking, give me a break.
I’m about to tell you something, but please don’t take
This the wrong way
Because my past has made me who I am today
Good and the bad both here to stay
I was poor lived in a duplex
Every month waiting on the next, government check
Single parent home - dad’s far away
Always home alone - while momma’s out to play
I saw things children shouldn’t see
I used to cry every night asking God “why me�
I just wanted, I deserved a normal family
If only we had a little more money
Instead of drugs I needed hugs
Instead of hate I needed love
No real family dinners
No one to look up to, family full of sinners
I was trying to hide
Lying to find,
Just dying inside
But I learned to deal
Pretending my life wasn’t real
Just hung out with my friends “normal� family
“normal� now means nothing to me -
Because at age 15
other struggle was about to hit hard
Hearing my mother doesn’t have long.
She was going to die - and I didn’t want to believe
I tried to act naïve
But momma still had to leave
Who's going to teach me to do laundry, cook and clean
Button my dress for my wedding
Do my kids not get a grandma, and where’s my mother
Single parent home, we only had each other.
I watched three years of suffering - momma died slow.
Everyday wondering when mom was going to go.
And when she did - guess what’s next
Off to live with grandparents who stole my support checks
I loved them, but we just didn’t get along
Turned 18, I was gone.
But I still had to stand tall
Prove everyone wrong
Who expected me to fall
Graduated fourth in my class
It wasn’t easy - I busted my ass
I’ve had a job since I was 14
While every school activity
I was prom queen
Did cheerleading & swimming
I paid for everything through fundraising.
Full ride scholarship from Lilly
I am an example of the American dream
I do see things differently
I feel I am the lucky, yes lucky
- haven’t been deprived
Because now put me through ANYTHING and I’ll survive
I’ve had something taken away I will never get back
No other struggle is going to top that.
My struggles are not my weaknesses - they are my strength
my hard times - I will forever thank
I just kept going - because I knew one day
I would be the one to lay
In the bed I made for myself
Believe me I wanted it, it needed no help
You may not like what I have to say.
This may not be your truth
But you are going to hear it anyway
Because we are no longer the youth
It's time to grow up, show up, shut up and listen
It’s like our bodies are here, but our souls are missing
It’s time to be something more - open a new door
Be something good - something right
Something black and something white
You have a chance to learn something here
To no longer fear - anything
Embrace the unseen
Learn from diversity
Write a new ending
To the story you’ve already started
Refuse to live brokenhearted
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side
And don’t ever try to hide
Who you are - and where you’ve been
All the good and the bad shit you did
People will make you or break you
Love or forsake you
Be fake to you
Shake or take you - as a friend or for granted
Through it all
Stand strong
Because you are still here luckier than most
Not claiming perfection or trying to boast
But think about where you're standing
In American - no one is empty handed
Yes, again we are ALL so lucky
Your perception of things becomes your reality
So choose to look away - smile today -
Don’t be fake
Give instead of take
Care and share - don’t dare and stare
Know everything is possible though love and prayer
So I think that’s my time -
Do something good - Oboma o9!
Peace